FlyLady (The Good, the Bad, and the UGLY)

The Good

FlyLady has a multitude of tools from which you can pick and choose, all of which are easily accessed from the home site. It would appear that the FlyLady team has made much-needed improvements to the site, recently. It is more attractive and user-friendly than it ever has been, and I may even be more inclined to visit more frequently, as a result.

Personally, I find the Sneak Peek for the Week useful. It provides a break-down of cleaning tasks for the week. Each week focuses on a specific area/zone of the home, which allows for regular rotation of tasks. If you complete these tasks each day, the focus area does become noticeably cleaner, by week’s end. You can access the Sneak Peek by clicking on the “Today” tab on the home page. Doing so will take you to a daily “Launch Pad,” which includes everything from detailed cleaning lists to “Pamper Missions.” The Launch Pad is probably the best thing that has happened to FlyLady since I first looked at the system YEARS ago.

If you aren’t keen on checking the FlyLady site on a daily or weekly basis, there is the added feature of a mailing list. Subscribing to the list will provide you with daily email reminders, testimonials, etc. Other features are also available through the website, such as audio and video podcasts, a forum (requires registration via BlogTalk radio), and a chatroom.

The Bad

Be prepared for a high volume of emails if you choose to sign up for daily reminders. You will receive everything from cleaning tasks to testimonials. These get old quickly, and it becomes more difficult to weed out the useful information from all of the extras. “God-breeze,” “crying purple puddles,” “fur babies,” and other phrases do more harm than good for me, when it comes right down to getting things DONE. Overcoming procrastination and learning to organize time and cleaning does not have to be like feeding an emotional dumpster, and I don't need or want a pat on the back every time that I cross something off of my "to do" list. If motivational speeches aren’t your thing either, you may also want to avoid the radio and video podcasts. That said, I’m sure that these features provide the necessary push and motivation for lots of users. They probably aren’t all that bad; they just don’t do anything for me.

Worse still are the near-constant product testimonials, touting the effectiveness of water bottles, dusters, rags, calendars, and anything else that FlyLady would like you to buy from the online store. I’m all for this entrepreneurial spirit; she should be able to make a bit of money off of her hard work. I should also be able to opt out of hearing about how wonderful her products are, if I choose to ignore the marketing. This isn’t really possible, via the email list. You have a choice of all or nothing, via email. Thankfully, if you don't mind adding filters to your Gmail account or deleting things on a regular basis, it is relatively easy to pick and choose the communications that work for you.

FInally, this site is VERY female-centric. I just checked out the forums, and found the following: searching members by gender yields exactly 11 people who identified as “male,” and SIXTY FIVE PAGES of people who identified as “female.” This is not necessarily a bad thing, in and of itself. Supportive communities of women who find themselves with similar goals can be very positive. ...which brings me to the UGLY side of FlyLady.

The UGLY

Since I just recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I have no children, I was interested to see how people incorporated their husbands and children into the FlyLady system. That’s when I made the mistake of trying out the chatroom for the first time. I read the rules, signed in, introduced myself, and then asked how people encouraged men to participate in the FlyLady system, at home. I even began by telling the mods that if my question fell under the “controversial” heading in the rules, that they should tell me so I didn’t “rock the boat.” I was met with a variety of responses…some supportive of my curiosity, and one in particular…well, not so much. A few people offered genuine personal insights, which I really appreciated. One recommended the book “The Surrendered Wife.” Even though it doesn’t really fit my relationship, I said that I would probably give it a read, anyway. I disagreed with a lot of the comments, like "men and women are just wired differently," (i.e. this is why men don't use/need/search for cleaning tips), but I expected some of that, because it accurately represents the experiences and opinions of those people within the FlyLady system.

Everything was fine until one of the moderators--username ‘jag’--started repeatedly reminding me that this was a “working chatroom,” and that I should email Marla (the FlyLady proper) if I wanted insights…and that if I did email her and got a response, “She would say, ‘Lead by example.’” I started to get the impression that I wasn’t welcome…at all. So I asked the moderator (jag) directly, and she sent me a private message that read something to the effect of, “I guess that I don’t understand your question.” I repeated it, and received some incredibly ugly responses, wrapped up in the guise of being pleasant. First, jag said, “It sounds like you are writing a paper.” Awesome, thanks for the suspicion, that’s exactly the kind of support I needed. Or, how about these gems: “FlyLady is for YOU” (which avoids my question altogether), or “it sounds like you are talking about ‘larger societal issues'” (more suspicion). After a few of these ill-advised moments in moderation, I got tired of the passive aggression and said, “Look, I don’t like playing games. I just want a clear-cut answer. Is my question appropriate for this chatroom or not.” I was met, finally, with the following responses: “I’m not playing games…you telling me ‘look’ is disrespectful,” --I apologized for being curt--and finally, “as long as you are asking for yourself, ask away.” Great, more suspicion. Thanks.

I wasn’t planning on putting all of this in my blog or in a email to the FlyLady herself, but now…that’s a different story. I doubt I’ll be back to the chatroom again, until the negative and decidedly metallic taste of this most recent encounter has been washed clean, and I am half-tempted to unsubscribe from the email list as well. (On a slightly nerdier note, I find myself longing for the days when I dealt with mods who knew how to do their jobs and did them well, without personal opinions getting in the way of doing the job.) I'll happily jump on board as a "Fly Baby" and make use of the system (for now), but I think I would do well to start looking very carefully at other options, as well.